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Friday, February 18, 2011
No kids = selfish?
A friend of mine, who happens to be childless, asked if I thought people who consciously decided not to have kids were selfish. I said no, I thought they were smart. I love my kids, but what's wrong with wanting to enjoy marriage/life/career b.c. (before children)? If a person made a habit, or better yet a hobby, out of having kids, we'd be wondering why they never learned how to use a contraceptive. But when someone realizes they don't want to be the next paternity case on Maury, they're selfish? That doesn't seem fair. The reality is we don't know why people decide to wait to have children, or not to have them at all. Maybe they know something we don't - their relationship isn't that strong; they work crazy hours and don't have time to devote to parenthood; they like to travel and can only afford one ticket. Whatever the case, procreation is a personal choice. I'm glad people are smart enough to choose what's best for them.
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2 comments:
I agree with you. I think waiting or not having kids at all is a very wise decision. it is too many people having kids when they are not ready or really don't want any kids. There are kids who are motherless or daddyless due to the selfish actions of their parents. Parents who were concerned more with their selfish needs of sexual gratifaction and not concerned with what can happen if a child is conceived. So no your friend is not selfish, but smart, responsible and mature.
We like to think of ouselves as child-free not child-less :) So there are more reasons why couples choose to not have kids that has nothing to do with not having a strong marriage or only affording 1 plane ticket. How about having a full life with your spouse and friends who make child-rearing sound joyless?
I'm not against having kids per se. My husband I are trying so we'll see what comes of that. But I am very willing to admit that I really love my life as it stands now. Every now and then I run into people (always women) who seem to have a problem with women who are married but have chosen not to have kids (shout out to the optometrist who made me uncomfortable last week). I wish more people (again women) understood that a couple's decision to not have kids does not mean that they're judging people who do have kids.
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